.: a r t ( i s ) w a r :.

2005-06-05T01:22:00.000-05:00

today
has actually been
. . .
good.
amazing.
ahhh
. . . .
relaxing.

2005-06-01T02:42:00.000-05:00

eye
want to
cuddle
snuggle
& cry.
eye wanna
feel wanted
& accepted
& loved.
eye
need
a kiss.
eye want
my head
against a
strong chest
arms around me
holding me.
kiss me.
&
make it all
disappear.

2005-06-01T01:49:00.000-05:00

so
my car broke
&
then
my sister
totaled her car
& had to be taken
to the e.r.
my parents
had to actually get along.
my car
broke
after not ever
a week.
fuck.
can i be
your something?

to you
&
i think
you know
who you are
. . .
i think
i'm starting
to like
you
as in
more than i used to.
i think.

i think.

Joined

2005-05-27T00:20:00.000-05:00

Likes

Anime

Characters

Relationships

Companies

Rivalries

Fanstuff

Series

General

Songs

Items/Locations

Toys/Collectibles

Websites

Manga-ka/Directors

Yaoi/Yuri/Hentai

Music

Actors

Actresses

Adult

Accessories/Clothing

Art/Literature

Bodies/Appearance

Entertainment

Pornstars/Models

Sexual Interests/Activities

Advertising/TV Channels

Albums

Animals

2005-05-26T17:57:00.000-05:00

i wanna see you.
are you busy tonight?
can you come over?
please?
i wanna see you
cuddle you
nuzzle you
hold you.
please.
i wanna see you tonight.

2005-05-26T00:07:00.000-05:00

Quis est diligo? Quis does is vilis? Quis does is vultus amo? Sapor amo? Sentio amo?

What is love? What does it mean? What does it look like? Taste like? Feel like?

2005-05-25T23:41:00.000-05:00

she rushed,
shoving still damp plates
into the cupboard
as the garage door
lurched open.
she bit her lip
looking past her bruised arms
hurrying to complete her tasks.
her mom slammed in
walking past her.
10 minutes later
she walked back out
smacked her daughter.
"you little whore!
you're a miserable piece of shit!
i hate you!
i wish you were dead!"
she hit her
& hit her
harder
& harder
more
& more.
concusions & bruises
scabs & burn marks
no one noticed anyway.

2005-05-25T23:13:00.000-05:00

he held her down
her face
pressed against the pillows.
suffocating.
tears staining
with freshly liquidated mascara.
his hand
covered her mouth.
drooling over herself
as she yelled out.
& he handcuffed her hands
to the bedpost
& her wrists
bruised as she fought.
then
he stuffed her mouth
with a piece of cloth.
he cut off her shirt
& tossed it to the side
then sliced off her bra
and took her nipple
in his mouth.
she cried out
muffled
crying
trying to shrink away.
she whimpered
his hands
unbuttoning her jeans
roughly
painfully
pulling them off.
then he took the knife
& cut through her panties
revealing her sex.
he pushed her legs
far apart
& climbed between them
unbuttoning his pants
pushing them down his ass.
she cried
louder
& louder
& tried to pull away
& he grabbed her hips
pulled her closer.
he slid inside
as tears flowed over her cheeks
& she fought harder
her innocence
& her dignity
stripped away
in one movement.
"please"
she thought
"please.
daddy.
stop."
he smiled
& leaned down
kissed her cheek.
"i love you"

2005-05-25T23:07:00.000-05:00

i'm
sinking back down
&
it's all
starting to get to me.
&
. . .
i'm confused
& lost
& tired
& unsure.
& i'm so sick
of feeling so fucking insecure.
i'm so
fucking
sick of it.
sick of it.
i want it to stop
please
i dont want
to be so insecure
& unsure
& untrusting
anymore.

2005-05-23T21:58:00.000-05:00

please forgive me i didnt mean it i'm sorry please forgive me i didnt mean it

i promise, i really do one day this will get better i promise, i really do

highlight, baby

2005-05-23T21:49:00.000-05:00

&
i'm not sure
if i can tell you
&
i'm not sure
if you even care
&
i'm not sure
if you'd listen

i curl myself
my knees against my chest
i'm a hypocrite
& a liar.
i make things up
to make the story better
& to get more attention
i'm sorry

&
i know
that i'm a faker
&
i know
that i'm not the only one
&
i know
that i'm not unique

i wrap myself
head laid down on the table
i'm a blasphemer
& a heretic.
i made up that lie
for you
& i got caught
i'm sorry

&
one day
this will all be better
&
one day
i'll be of some use
&
one day
i'll focus on you

i'm sorry
i got caught
for you,
i made up that lie
i'm a heretic
& a blasphemer
chloroform against my mouth
i fall into oblivion

2005-05-23T19:50:00.000-05:00

everyone says they're sorry
& they'll be there for you
& they love you.
but when it comes to it,
when you really need someone. . .
no one's there.
they're all gone.
there's other people that could help you,
why's it have to be them?
& everyone thinks that,
so no one helps you,
& you're stuck alone, cold,
& no one cares
& no one's around
& no ones helping you.
they can numb you with medicine,
but then that's not the real you,
& then you're lying to yourself, & everyone else,
& no one knows the real you,
then one day you go off the medicine,
& no one knows you anymore,
& that comfortable numb life you had is gone,
& people leave you again.

2005-05-23T19:27:00.000-05:00

i don't know who to talk to.
i don't know how to redeem myself.
i don't know if i want to.
i feel like taking a knife
stabbing my arm
four inches deep
and dragging it down
then examining the cut
pulling apart my flesh
making myself bleed more.
i don't know why i can't.
i hate myself
but i don't want to hurt myself.
i'm fucking confused.
i'm wallowing.
i fucking hate this the most.
i want to ruin
YOU.
Something BEAUTIFUL.
NOW.
I want to dig my nails
into your skin
drag it away
leaving raw red scars.
I want to hit you
until my knuckle bone
shows through my skin.
I want to ruin myself.
I want to rub myself raw.
I want to destroy myself.
I want to ruin myself.
Everything.
I want to destroy the world.
I hate myself.
I hate you.
I hate you.
I don't know who I'm fighting anymore.
I want to feel skin under my nails
and I want to feel the anger rush through me
that old familiar feeling.
Letting myself go, screaming.
I want to yell and scream and wail
"I wish I were never born!"
"I hate myself!"
"I hate you!"
I want to aim it at my mom
and I'm not even sure why.
I want to ruin this house
and this life
and myself
and my family.
They don't deserve this.
I don't deserve this.
They don't deserve to be unhappy
and neither do I.
I don't know where I fucked up.
I want to feel my OWN skin
underneath my nails.
Defensive wounds
caused by my own attack.
I want to be black and blue.
Hit me.
Hit me, as hard as you can.

Please.
{HitMe}

2005-05-23T18:15:00.000-05:00

i read somewhere
once
that your model of god
is your father.
so
if your father
is too busy for you
& frankly
just doesn't care. . .
what kind of god
do you have?

this is like
drowning
with help two inches away.
this is like
being raped by your father
crying
sobbing
your hands covering your face
laying on your back
he's on his knees
inside you
crying
and him telling you
"stop"
"stop."
"i'm making you a woman"
"act like it."
this is
going to the psychiatrist's
& both know
something's wrong with you
but no one
can put it to words.
this is like
god
reaching down
taking your hand
& pulling so hard
your arm
comes out of the socket.
this is like
empty eyes
staring
staring
knowing
&
you can't stop them.
doll eyes
just staring.
& i feel like
i am jack's
complete
& utter
lack of surprise.

what do you get
when you mix
equal parts of
gasoline
& frozen concentrate
orange juice?

(napalm.)

2005-05-23T15:46:00.000-05:00

i failed again
today

but it's almost done

[can't|wait.]

2005-05-22T23:34:00.000-05:00

The only guy who ever escaped,
never made it out.

P e r d i d o [ Para ] S i e m p r e
o Lost Forever o Stray Evermore o

2005-05-22T23:09:00.000-05:00

the night's
almost over
the year's
almost gone
the tarot reads
the princess of
cups.
emotional
. f r e e d o m .

2005-05-22T22:09:00.000-05:00

i can feel
your stubble
pressed against my chin.
& your lips
firmly against mine.
i can taste you
inside my mouth-
your kiss
&
your cum
mingling.
i can feel your hand
pressed down
in my jeans.
your fingers
exploring,
making me yelp.
&
i
can feel
your breath
on my neck.
&
i
am gasping
for sweet air.
my eyes close
and my back arches.
you push your hips
into mine
even though
we're separated
by a hymen of denim.
oh god.
i can feel this.
oh god.
don't stop.
oh god.
oh god.
please.
oh god.
yes.

i can feel this
days after
&
i can taste you
even now.

2005-05-22T21:20:00.000-05:00

vestri deus est a diabolus

2005-05-22T21:07:00.000-05:00

a new look
a new day
a new beginning

2005-05-22T19:13:00.000-05:00

my pain, my pride
these scars are mine

my pain, my pride
these scars are mine

i will tell you a story,
that's never been told

i will tell you a secret,
5 lifetimes old ...

my life has been a prison,
a labyrinth built beneath the mountain of Tragedy.

i'm a stain on the cloth.
i'm just an after-thought.

but i
would die
for this . . .

but through the veins of decay
i'll remain to betray

to live like C a e s a r.
to die like J e s u s.

to build my own religion,
no gods, no laws

to celebrate pain
forsaken & ashamed

to watch them all,
crawl beneath us . . .

on this bed of nails & regret
dying of fevers, betrayal, & sweat

I CRY ...

[chorus]

my organs are rotting,
my enemies are plotting . . .

i am made of pages
paragraphs & inspirations
paper girl, burn the world,
i pass the flame to you!

murder
mayhem
hurt her
hate him

murder
mayhem
hurt her
hate him

murder mayhem
hurt her hate him

murder
mayhem
f u c k [ h e r ]
slay them!

[verse]

my pain, my pride
these scars are mine

my pain . . .

my misery has been formulated
into an equation of nein

my sanity wrote
a suicide note
but one of us is illiterate
and the other . . . is blind

my 1st act of treason
was picking up a pen

my 1st act of love
was finding myself again

the hardest thing to do
was standing up to you

now i'm off my knees
now you're begging me "please"

i'm the wound & the weapon
the fracture & the fist

[chorus]

my organs are rotting,
my enemies are plotting ...

i am made of pages
paragraphs & inspirations
paper girl, burn the world,
i pass the flame to you!

murder
mayhem
hurt her
hate him

murder
mayhem
hurt her
hate him

murder mayhem
hurt her hate him

murder
mayhem
f u c k [ h e r ]
slay them!

[outro]

that stabbing in your heart,
that black hole in your soul,
slowly ripping you apart .... that's me!

that's me!

so let it be written,
so let it be done!

the brighter they shine,
the darker we become!

vae victus!
abomination!

2005-05-22T19:00:00.000-05:00

botched prophecies

. . .
i miss
having a god
&
i miss
having a family
. . .
&
. . .
i miss
feeling loved
& wanted

i want
to be held
& comforted.
i want
for you
to approve
&
i want
for all of this
to be behind me
so that
i
can finally
be someone
that i like.

b r e a k / / f r e e
[ rottura liberamente ]

2005-05-21T22:44:00.000-05:00

vos es puer per haud pectus pectoris.
ego sum puella per haud diligo.
nos es diligo per haud posterus.

[ you are the boy with no h e a r t. ]
[ i am the girl with no l o v e. ]
[ we are the lovers with no f u t u r e. ]

2005-05-21T22:28:00.000-05:00

Clumsy hands
work their way down.
Roughly, but cautiously.
Hot kisses are exchanged,
Spirits shuffling
through bodies,
until each own half.
Cracked nails
drag on scarred skin,
looping their fingers
on loose pieces of material.
Patterned shirts are pulled off,
thrown to the floor...
stiff jeans pushed down full hips.
Her chest heaves, his hands shake somewhat.
Nervously.
Sharp inhales of breathe,
their bodies mold as one.
Groping eyes and lustful hands
cover scantily clad bodies,
snaking their way
to pleasure zones previously unexperienced.
He bites, softly, onto her bottom lip,
as she mews in response to him.
Mixed salivas, light panting.
His head tilts forward,
nestling into her shoulder.
A spiritual release, a rising, a beautiful thing.
A beautiful lover.
A lovely rendevous.
Cuddling close, body temperatures
return to normal,
heartbeats remain strong.

2005-05-21T19:15:00.000-05:00

abnegate
refuse or deny oneself;
also, to give up
(rights, claims, etc.).

sic semper tyrannus.

dizziness
takes over
wafts through
my body.
bloodletting
of the month.

2005-05-21T18:13:00.000-05:00

Chloe was the genuine article.
Chloe was the way Joni Mitchell's skeleton would look ifyou made it smile and walk around a party being extra special nice to everyone. Picture Chloe's popular skeleton the size of an insect, running through the vaults and galleries of her innards at two in the morning. Her pulse a siren overheard, announcing: Prepare for death in ten, in nine, in eight seconds. Death will commence in seven, six...
At night, Chloe ran around the maze of her own collapsing veins and burst tubes spraying hot lymph. Nerves surface as trip wires in the tissue. Abscesses swell in the tissue around her as hot white pearls.
The overhead announcement, prepare to evacuate bowels in ten, in nine, eight, seven.
Prepare to evacuate soul in ten, in nine, eight.
Chloe's splashing through the ankle-deep backup of renal fluid from her failed kidneys.
Death will commence in five.
Five, four.
Four.
Around her, parasitic life spray paints her heart.
Four, three.
Three, two.
Chloe climbs hand-over-hand up the curdled lining of her own throat.
Death to commence in three, in two.
Moonlight shines in through the open mouth.
Prepare for the last breath, now.
Evacuate.
Now.
Soul clear of body.
Now.
Death commences.
Now.
Oh, this should be so sweet, the remembered warm jumble of Chloe still in my arms and Chloe dead somewhere.
But no, I'm watched by Marla.

2005-05-21T17:06:00.000-05:00

the girl without hands
held off by a moat
five meters wide
ten meters deep

puella per haud manuum.
ego sum diripio.
[i am torn to pieces]

2005-05-21T16:35:00.000-05:00

simon from
lord of the flies.

totally insane
insecure
unsure.
yet
scholars think
he's supposed
to represent
jesus.

so if this is true
is jesus
insecure, unsure?
insane?

a miracle is coming.